Jesus Christ!






































Every one could hear him shouting, God’s booming voice was unmistakable, “Jesus Christ!”


Jesus appeared out of nowhere, “you need me, Dad?”


The Lord God was in heaven’s media center looking at about a dozen screens.  Each one was showing a different location of HeavenBook.  God stood holding a set of earphones in his left hand.  The screen in front of him showed HeavenBook Arkansas.  


God addressed Jesus:  sorry, no, I don’t need you right now.  I was just ranting about something really stupid that a woman down on earth said to her friend who has cancer.  


She said God does not give you more than you can handle.   


As if!


Can somebody tell these people, that I don’t “give” anyone cancer.  That I am not responsible for the bad stuff that happens to people. 


Jesus (JC):  But you did create all of creation, didn’t you?


LG:  Sure, I got the ball rolling, but the universe runs itself.  I set the rules but then it runs like clockwork.


JC:  So you don’t pay attention to it all?


LG:  I can’t, there are just way too many voices jabbering away.   I may audit a page for an hour or two, just to get a sense of what people are talking about, but that’s about it. 


JC: So you don’t intervene? 


LG:  No.  


JC: Not ever?  


LG: Well I have intervened just a few times.  Of course there were interventions in the days of the Bible.  But more recently I made sure George Washington won the battle of Trenton.  And then there was the ‘69 Mets.   


In the old day folks accepted magic without a lot of questions.  It’s different now.  With George Washington at least it helped get a great nation off the ground.  But with the NY Mets, well they have been a disappointment.  Very annoyed when they traded Tom Seaver.  Not happy about losing Jacob DeGrom either.


But I really have to talk to you.   And let’s have Mary in on this too.  


Mary comes in from a nearby chapel.  


The Blessed Virgin Mary (BVM): What is this all about?


LG:  It is time to tell Jesus the truth.  


BVM: Is this really necessary?  


LG:  It’s time.  The story got out of hand.  


(Turning to Jesus)   You are only my adopted son.   I never meant it to go so far but once it did, I was afraid to say something.  I thought you’d be hurt.   


JC:  So who was my real father?


LG and BVM (in unison):  Joseph.   


JC:  So what did you mean by Son of God?   


LG:  To answer that, you need to know that Caesar was referred to as Son of God.   It’s a metaphor really.  All it suggests is that you are a man of God, a holy man.  


You were a dynamite preacher.  I loved the Sermon on the Mount.   And your suggestion that people should turn the other cheek was spot on. 


So you are my beloved. Just not my real son.   


JC: So what do we do now?   


LG:  It depends.  The Jews will be fine about it.  But the Bible Belt will go nuts.  So will the Catholics.    And the retailers will hate the impact on Christmas sales.  


JC:  So what do we do now?   


LG:  Damned if I know.   


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