I was passing City Hall in New York when I heard the crack of thunder and saw the flash of lightning.   The clouds parted and suddenly a man with a long beard and wearing a business suit was standing on the steps of City Hall bathed in sunlight.  


Magically, a podium appeared full of microphones and then reporters appeared out of nowhere. 

As I looked more closely, I saw that the bearded man was the Lord God.  And he was about to hold a press conference.   

The first question came from a reporter for the NY Times.  He asked why God chose to appear on Earth, why not sent a prophet?  God answered that the old ways of communicating did not work anymore.  He used to whisper into the ears of a prophet, but nowadays if someone appeared in a crowd announcing that he had a message from God,  he would be seen as crazy.  He also thought of sending an angel, but the ambiguous sexuality of angels would just cause more questions. So he came down himself and added the special effects to make get noticed.   

Another reporter chimed in, asking what is your message?

He said that the Christians are getting it all wrong.  Jesus’ message was about love and forgiveness; now Christians are about anger, resentment and hate.  

He said he also wanted to correct the record on Jesus.  Jesus was not God.  He was just my messenger.  Phrases like Son of God or Son of Man that are in the Bible were meant poetically.  It is much the same with the Holy Spirit.  The phrase Holy Spirit only meant that a holy feeling entered among those who were assembled to hear Jesus.  There was no third God.  No white dove floating in heaven.  

So the Trinity is not true?  

Right, the Trinity was meant to explain away contradictions, like one God but Father, Son and Holy Ghost.  By the way, as a phrase, I prefer Holy Ghost to Holy Spirit.  But the explanations about the Trinity caused more questions than they answered.  The Trinity is not a mystery, it is a contradictory mess.  

What else do Christians get wrong?   

There was no sin of Adam.  To begin with, the story of the Garden of Paradise is just a way to cap the creation story.  After all, if God put man into a perfect garden, how can anyone explain why folks left to live in a rather bleak real world.  So the plot had Adam and Eve committing a sin and being sent away.  By the way, the sin is rather bogus, don’t you think?  

Oh, there was no “Adam and Eve: either.  Man evolved.   Follow the science.   Read Darwin.  

Another silly story is how this so called sin was then inherited by everyone.  Really, do people inherit sin?   That makes God out to be a control freak and rather capricious. 

The questions continued.  Here are some highlights. 

What about marriage, is it only between a man and a woman?  

Marriage is your institution, not mine.   The rules vary with each society.  In the West, nations are allowing gay men and women to marry.  Seems fine to me.

But isn’t gay sex a sin?   

No.  Nor is sex a sin.  What is wrong is betrayal.  So if couples love each other, they should be faithful.  But if they stray it is a small sin.  If the partners decide to stay together, well the sinner  should be forgiven, don’t you agree?  

What about Trans people?  

Well some of the efforts are a bit odd.  I have never see the glamor in Caitlyn Jenner.  And Ellen, now Elliot Page seems awfully small for a man.  But I don’t see the harm.  By the way, if folks are upset about mutilating the body, how about all the plastic surgery among celebrities and wealthy women?   

Any thoughts about politics?  

Yes.   

Donald Trump is an evil and amoral narcissist.  And those so called Christians who see him as bringing America closer to what God wants… well they don’t understand my message at all.  I am not in favor of folks owning lots of guns.  Nor does my message favor low taxes and capitalism.  Oh, if you run a bakery and a gay couple wants a wedding cake, just be nice and bake the cake.  

What about abortion?

Well let’s start by saying that the fetus does not become a person until birth. That is what the breathe of life is all about.  And in the first few months, well the fetus is just a clump of cells, no thinking, no will, no nothing.  Let the woman deal with her pregnancy as she and her doctor decide.  

We have time for one more question.

The reporter for WNYC asked about Cardinal Dolan.    

God answered: He is just a man who wears a silly robe and a really silly hat.  Bishops and cardinals are more like politicians than like Jesus.   I love most those who dedicate themselves to serving the poor.  

And then he was gone….   



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