The Twins

I was leaving church after singing at a special mass where the bishop officiated.  Satisfied that the choir performed well, it was time for me to zone out. As my car left the parking lot a man’s  voice boomed, “What the bleep was that?”

The voice came from the empty passenger’s seat, about where a man’s head would be.  Slowly a man appeared filling the seat  He was dressed in robes and had long hair and a beard.  It was Jesus!

Me: So are you really Jesus? 

JC:  Yes, neat trick to materialize out of nothing. 

But let’s talk about what we just witnessed.  

They treated the statue of Our Lady of Fatima as an idol. I thought you Catholics were sensitive to accusations that you put too much importance on statues and pictures.   Well that went out the window today!

And then there is Fatima itself.  You know that Fatima was meant to be a joke.  A few guardian angels were bored so they thought they would play a trick on the kids.  But the joke got out of hand.  There is no “the Angel of Peace.”  The whole thing was a practical joke that went too far.  

Have you seen the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Fatima?    It is all about tourist dollars.  And the hymns to Mary - first Saturdays?  And pray a rosary each day?   You have made a god out of her.

Me: Anything else bother you?   

JC:  Yes.  The clerical robes, silk, embroidered.  And what about the bishop’s pointed hat.  

Me: Well it is your Church….  

JC:  Not really.  

I never meant it to be like that.  

Do you know how the mass began?  Poor peasants would come together to pray.  Most of us had spent the day in the fields or fishing, or in the vineyards or olive groves. Naturally we would share a meal.  Flat bread.  Wine.  If someone had dried fish, we would share that.  We would bless the meal, then eat.  Someone might teach.  

We would asked God’s favor.  

That was about it.  

And no, the wafer and wine are not my body and blood?  Bite down and you will see.

Me: So what was the point?

JC:  the Jews really were God’s chosen people.  The Lord God loved their stories, also their jokes.  Most of the great comedians are Jews. God's favor!  

The Lord asked me to encourage the Jews of Palestine to be good to each other.  To live a better life.  And to respect the non-Jews.  It was not like when we were the twelve tribes living by ourselves.  There were Greeks, Romans, Samaritans as well as Jews.

Me: but what about the story of your birth?  How about Mary?  

JC:  There were lot’s of stories back then that started with a miraculous  birth.  Romulus and Remus were born to a vestal virgin.   She was visited by the God of War.  Yeah, right!

And the Egyptians had a host of miraculous births from Horus to Hatshepsut.

Even the ancient Hebrews had their miraculous births - think of Isaac who was born to an aged Sarah.

Me:  So Mary was just… Mary.   

JC:  Yes, mom.  

She hated my teaching.  Said I was getting too full of myself.  Said no good would come of it.   She was right of course, after all I did be crucified.   

Me:  What about Joseph?  

JC:  Joe is a great guy and a dynamite carpenter.  Last Christmas we bought him a nice miter saw.  Also a planer.  He likes to build bird houses.

He keeps a low profile - but on Thursday nights, he, the Lord God, myself and St. Ignatius Loyola play poker.  Joseph is a great bluffer. Even the Lord God doesn’t know what his cards are.