The Wrath of God


I ran into God the other day at our parish's picnic.  He was talking to anyone who would listen.  Dressed in a sleeveless shirt with long hair and a scruffy beard, no one recognized him.  He would often say he liked to be incognito when he walked among his peeps.  

 This time, he was on a roll, "It's just a cake, a fucking cake."  

 I assumed he was talking about the Supreme Court ruling that let Masterpiece Cake-shop off the hook.  

Hoping to calm him down, I reminded him, "But even a few of the liberals joined the ruling."  

 He was not mollified.  "Bunch of  assholes."

Then he asked me straight out, "Suppose a baker was a Catholic and refused to bake a cake for a fellow parishioner who had been divorced and who was getting re-married?"  

 I said "that's different."   

 "How?"

 Then he said "What about a licensed pharmacist who was a conservative Christian and then decided that it offended his religion to dispense contraceptives to an unmarried woman?"

He went on, "How about an Orthodox Jewish carpenter who refused to repair a mosque?  Or a ...." 

He continued in this vein for a while, but finally his storm finally blew over. 

 I said that the Colorado commission that ruled against the baker did not give a fair hearing to the baker's religious scruples.  

 God started shouting again, "Religious scruples?  The guy thinks halloween is devil worship!  He's a nut!  Almost as bad as a faith healers and those who handle snakes!"

 Then he said quietly, "I never asked you folks to do any of this.  All I did was whisper a few ideas into the ears of impressionable men and women.  It was taken far out of context."  

 Then he tore into the New Testament: "The letters of St Paul are not my words!  He's an old crackpot.  An angry misanthrope.  Sexist too.  Scared shitless of women.  If he sees as much as an ankle, he gets an erection.  God knows what would happen if he saw a breast."  

By now, God's strong voice was overpowering everything at the picnic.  

 Father Derrick came over and told us to pipe down.  

 God suddenly turned wrathful.  A mighty wind came, pulled down all the tents where food was being served.  Then the tables were overturned.  Rain started to pour from the sky.  The parking lot at St. Mary's was a mess, with food spilled everywhere.  Everyone race to their cars.  Father Derrick fled to the rectory.  

 God looked at me with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes.  "I no longer do performances, but if someone pulls my chain, well I can still put on a good wrath of God!"   


  

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