The Twins

The Twins 

When I was a child, I was known as one of “the twins.”   

I am a twin.  This was the most important fact of my childhood. My brother Jerry and I were same sex twins and we looked identical to everyone.  Still being identical was fraught.  

The party line was that we were not identical. My mother explained this by explaining the when we were born, there were two placenta.  This fact was huge in the world of my child raising; it reflected my mother’s status as a nurse.  So despite the many signs of our being identical, we accepted the statements of my mother, that held doubt about our status.  

Still we were very much alike.  More so than any other fraternal twins that I knew or that I learned about.  We appeared alike to everyone, even a dachshund that lived next door to my wife and I when we lived in Dayton, Ohio - we lived there from 1978-1981.   This annoying dog would bark incessantly at all strangers, yet when my brother visited us from New Jersey, he was quiet.  At the time it was an anomaly.   Now I know better. 

Jerry and I were always “the twins.”  Strangers could not help but notice us - and in that way, we were like freaks in a side show.  Kids of course were cruel to us in many ways.  But even my father helped maintain the freak show act.  Thus when we were with him and he ran into someone he knew, the inevitable question was who of us was taller - also older.  Oh - and all twins know their birth order.  I was born 29 minutes before my twin brother.  In any case, my father would have us stand back to back so his friends could see for themselves who was taller.   I am sure (now) my father was just being a proud parent.  But it still turned us into freaks on exhibit.  

Not only did we look alike but we also had very similar interests and talents.  We did very well in school - and in the same subjects.  We were also talented at drawing.  And on academic measures like SATs and the Merit Scholar test (then the merit scholar program administered its own test) we both excelled.  We even were admitted to the same competitive college.  

By the time we were 13 or 14, we were 6 foot tall and so stood out in any case.  In situations were we could act independently, we often stayed apart.  So when we travelled on the commuter bus to New York City, we sat in different seats.  We also stayed apart on the NYC Subway.  Still once we reached our destination, we were again twins and freaks.   

Nonetheless, my mother’s admonition that we were NOT IDENTICAL stayed in my mind.  

The obvious question was why we looked so much alike.   I wondered if there was an intermediate status between identical and fraternal twins that could explain how we were.  But as far as I could tell there was not.  

After my mid 20s, my life diverged from that of my twin.  I married, and soon enough, had a son.  I mostly forgot about my twin identity.  In my work life, almost no one even knows that I am a twin and that has been all for the better.  

And then there is my estrangement from my twin.  It started after my mother died in 2003.  Within a few years we quarreled over something that was ultimately unimportant.  But we have never spoken again.  Likely never will.  

Still it turns out my sister paid for Jerry to undergo a genetic test via Ancestry.  Don’t know when he did the test, but just a few days ago, my wife (who maintains the family genetic test records) received a note about a new match for me.  Where the typical sibling match is about 50%, Jerry and I matched 100%.  

So mystery solved.  We are “identical twins.” 

It explains a lot - also changes a lot of my beliefs about myself.   For example, thinking that we were fraternal twins, I always thought that our similar skills and intellectual attainment was proof of nurture over nature.  But now - if identical, it is nature over nurture.